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Israel-Hamas War: Live Updates – The New York Times

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Israel’s defense minister, Yoav Gallant, and the U.S. defense secretary, Lloyd J. Austin III, met at the Pentagon on Tuesday to discuss the rapidly deteriorating humanitarian conditions in Gaza and Israel’s plan to invade the southern city of Rafah, where U.S. officials have warned that a major military action could lead to catastrophe.

The meeting came amid growing friction between the two allies a day after the U.S. decision to allow the passage of a U.N. resolution calling for an immediate cease-fire in Gaza. Afterward, Israel’s prime minister, Benjamin Netanyahu, declared that he was scrapping a plan to dispatch a delegation to Washington to discuss the potential offensive in Rafah.

Remarks by Mr. Gallant and Mr. Austin before the meeting underscored the divide. While both noted their countries’ commitment to Israel’s security, Mr. Gallant emphasized what he said was the urgent need to destroy Hamas, secure the release of Israelis taken hostage in the Hamas-led Oct. 7 attacks and “ensure Israel’s military edge and capabilities.”

Mr. Austin focused on the dire consequences the war has had for Palestinian civilians. “The number of civilian casualties is far too high, and the amount of humanitarian aid is far too low,” he said. The safety of Palestinians in Rafah, where more than a million people are holed up, was a “top priority,” he added.

People recovering items from their homes after Israeli airstrikes in Rafah, Gaza, on Tuesday.Credit…Mohammed Salem/Reuters

After the meeting, a senior Defense Department official said Mr. Austin presented the broad outlines of the Biden administration’s alternative approach to a major combat operation in Rafah. The main points were a focus on precision targeting intended to root out Hamas leadership, credible and effective steps to evacuate civilians sheltering there, an increase in humanitarian aid and securing the border between Gaza and Egypt.

The official, who spoke on a call with reporters on the condition of anonymity to discuss confidential talks, said that the Israelis were receptive to the priorities raised by Mr. Austin and that there would be additional meetings in the future.

Senior administration officials have said that any Israeli operation that did not adequately mitigate the risks to civilians in Rafah would be a mistake and exacerbate the dire living conditions in the enclave. Without proper planning or preparations, the senior Defense Department official said, a major ground operation into Rafah could dramatically restrict the flow of already insufficient humanitarian assistance into Gaza when just the opposite needs to happen.

Speaking with reporters after his meeting with Mr. Austin, Mr. Gallant said Israel would not be deterred in its war aims. “Our goals are simple: We need to destroy Hamas as a military and governing organization in Gaza,” he said. “It means that the military framework must be destroyed.”

“The ability of Hamas to act as an organized military with a centralized command and control must be destroyed,” he said. “There is not a military capability, there is a terrorist capability.”

The Israeli minister said he also discussed with his American counterpart maintaining Israel’s qualitative military advantage in the region (American officials said the sales of F-15 and F-35 fighters and Apache helicopter gunships were discussed). And Mr. Gallant said he and Mr. Austin talked about the urgency of efforts to recover more than 100 hostages still held by Hamas and the increasingly dire humanitarian crisis in Gaza.

“We discussed the humanitarian efforts in Gaza — not only in terms of bringing the aid in but the real issue of distribution,” Mr. Gallant said. “Hamas is doing everything to sabotage the delivery of aid and to create pressure at the expense of the Palestinian people. This includes blocking routes and looting.”

Mr. Gallant — who was also expected to sit down with the C.I.A. director, William J. Burns, a key figure in the negotiations between Israel and Hamas — met with Mr. Austin a day after the United States abstained from a vote on a cease-fire resolution at the U.N. Security Council, a decision that Mr. Netanyahu said “harms the war effort as well as the effort to liberate the hostages.”

Ambassador Linda Thomas-Greenfield registered the U.S. abstention during a vote on Monday at the U.N. Security Council on a resolution calling for an immediate cease-fire in Gaza. The measure was adopted.Credit…Angela Weiss/Agence France-Presse — Getty Images

Hopes for a breakthrough in the talks for a deal to halt the fighting and secure the release of Israeli hostages appeared to remain distant on Tuesday. Hamas said late Monday that the latest proposal on the table did not meet its demands.

The talks in recent days have been hung up on the number of Palestinian prisoners to be released, in particular those serving extended sentences for violence against Israelis, according to two U.S. officials and an Israeli official, who spoke on the condition of anonymity to discuss the sensitive matter.

Last week, the U.S. delegation — led by Mr. Burns — proposed a compromise to try to bridge the gap, which Israel has accepted, according to the Israeli official and another person familiar with the negotiations. A Hamas statement on Monday appeared to reject it, saying it was demanding Israel’s withdrawal from Gaza and “a true prisoner exchange.”

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Smartphones Rewired Childhood. Here's How to Fix It.

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Phones have made kids sedentary, solitary, anxious, and depressed. But, says the author and psychologist, we can reverse the damage.

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Man City vs Arsenal: John Stones, Kyle Walker, Bukayo Saka and Gabriel Martinelli in race to be fit for Super Sunday clash live on Sky Sports | Football News

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Manchester City host Arsenal in a Premier League title-race defining match at the Etihad on Sunday, live on Sky Sports – but key players are facing a race to be fit in time for the contest.

With Arsenal leading Liverpool at the top of the standings on goal difference and City just a point further back, the game between City and Arsenal is a hotly-anticipated and crucial contest.

However, coming off the back of an international break, there is selection uncertainty on both sides…

Man City’s defensive dilemmas

There was a double blow for City’s England defenders, with Kyle Walker and John Stones both forced off with injury while away with the Three Lions.

Walker limped off during the first half of Saturday’s defeat to Brazil with what was later described as a tight hamstring. The issue is not thought to be too serious and City are hopeful he’ll be available for Sunday.

Kyle Walker waits for treatment after picking up an injury during the international friendly against Brazil
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Kyle Walker waits for treatment after picking up an injury during the international friendly against Brazil

However, Stones’ situation is less clear. After Tuesday’s draw against Belgium, England boss Southgate suggested it was an adductor issue in his groin but the City defender didn’t look comfortable when he had to make way just nine minutes into the game. He later told Sky Sports News’ Rob Dorsett he was not sure if he would be fit to face Arsenal.

Another issue in that backline to emerge over the past few days is the fitness of Manuel Akanji, who had to withdraw from Switzerland’s squad with a knock.

Throw in goalkeeper Ederson still being out with a thigh problem and it is clear Pep Guardiola may have some reshuffling to do this weekend…


Sunday 31st March 4:00pm


Kick off 4:30pm


Any other concerns for City?

Further up the pitch, Guardiola will hope it is a more positive picture, with Erling Haaland able to play twice for Norway after giving his club a scare when he was seen limping in training at the start of the break. City team-mate Oscar Bobb also played in those games and scored against Czech Republic.

City’s other standout star, Kevin De Bruyne, could also be back. He missed the FA Cup game with Newcastle before the international break with a groin injury and wasn’t called up by Belgium but could return after a period of recovery.

Kevin De Bruyne cuts a frustrated figure during Manchester City's Premier League clash with Chelsea
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Will Kevin De Bruyne be fit to play on Sunday?

Argentina’s Julian Alvarez played Costa Rica in Los Angeles in the early hours of Wednesday morning so will have a delayed return to City training, while Matheus Nunes, who was on the scoresheet for Portugal against Sweden, missed their second game with suggestions he had hurt his ankle.

How do Arsenal look?

Arsenal have key men needing to prove their fitness before heading to City. Bukayo Saka withdrew from the England squad as a precaution at the end of last week with a minor muscle problem in his hamstring. It will be hoped he can get back into shape for Sunday.

Centre-back Gabriel Magalhaes was also withdrawn from his national team squad as a precaution, with inflammation in the Brazilian’s Achilles a concern.

Gabriel Magalhaes celebrates after scoring Arsenal's opening goal against Crystal Palace
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Gabriel Magalhaes withdrew from the Brazil squad

Gabriel Martinelli also missed out on playing for Brazil with the cut on his foot he suffered at Sheffield United.

However, there was positive news during the break, with Takehiro Tomiyasu and Thomas Partey featuring in a behind closed doors friendly so could be in contention.

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Police and Spit Hoods: 5 Takeaways From Our Investigation from Florida to Texas

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Many police departments use mesh bags, commonly known as spit hoods, to cover the heads of people in custody so they can’t spit on officers. Police say the devices are safe. But an investigation by The Marshall Project and WTSP, the CBS affiliate in Tampa, found that in some circumstances, the hoods can be deadly.

Here are five takeaways from our findings, based on thousands of pages of documents, videos and interviews with victims and their families, police departments and experts. The main article of this investigation contains more information.

Police across the country continue to use spit hoods, even as deaths raise troubling questions.

Officers used spit hoods on at least 31 people who died in their custody between 2013 and 2023, according to our investigation. In more than half of those deaths, police used the hood in conjunction with other restraint techniques or tactical weapons, including hog-tying, pepper spray and stun guns. Medical experts say that these combinations often worsen the problems that lead to serious injury or death.

“One death is too many,” said George Kirkham, a Florida State University criminology professor who is an expert in police use of force. “We can say more people die from shootings or beatings, but the families of these folks are devastated just the same.”

Many departments have no policies on deploying the masks — and among the ones who do, the rules vary wildly.

The Marshall Project’s review of policies from 100 departments in 25 states found that most require officers to remove the sacks when a person is vomiting, bleeding from the mouth or suffering from other medical conditions. But only 10 of those departments restrict spit hoods to cases in which someone is actively spitting or biting others, or is about to do so. Only 11 require officers to warn people before putting them in a spit mask. And only 12 policies point out that people in a mental health crisis can experience high distress when in a spit net.

Some policies — or in the absence of a written document, department guidance — can be very vague, critics say. The Polk County Sheriff’s Office, southwest of Orlando, said it doesn’t have a policy, and that spit hoods “are used when it makes common sense.”

Mentions of spit hoods in deaths involving police can remain hidden from public view for months or forever.

Most departments that give patrol officers the masks don’t track how often they are used. And there are no national reporting requirements to disclose if a spit hood was used when someone dies in custody. Officials at the Hernando County Sheriff’s Office, north of Tampa, did not initially tell the public that jail deputies had pepper-sprayed a man and placed two hoods on his head in April 2022. The man, Tim Peters, lost his pulse minutes later and died in a hospital the next day, records show. The sheriff revealed the use of the spit masks only after WTSP reporters pressed the agency for more information and eventually obtained an unredacted 21-minute video of Peters’ death. No officers were charged in Peters’ death.

Some studies have concluded that masks are safe, but some experts say the research is flawed.

Researchers have shown that even dense spit hoods are easier to breathe in than an N95 mask, and study subjects could breathe even in hoods sprayed with artificial saliva. But critics say none of those studies mimicked the chaos and stress of being arrested or held in jail. “These are people who are in a controlled environment,” said Dr. Dan Woodard, who has studied the effects of spit hoods. “They haven’t just finished running from the police or getting punched or hit or thrown to the ground.”

Most research that involved humans tested people’s ability to breathe under dry hoods. And even the artificial saliva used in one study was thinner than real human spit, experts say.

People who have tried to breathe in spit masks during police encounters describe it as a scary experience.

Knoxville Police officers used a hood on Nzinga Bayano Amani, when they arrested the civil rights activist in 2022. Amani said officers misplaced the elastic band of the hood, which is supposed to go around the neck, and Amani struggled to breathe after the band was caught in their mouth. “I knew if at any time I got any more stressed or agitated, there’s a possibility I could have passed out,” Amani said.

Read the full story.

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How Elon Musk Became ‘Kind of Pro-China’

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When Elon Musk first set up Tesla’s factory in China, he appeared to have the upper hand.

He gained access to top leaders and secured policy changes that benefited Tesla. He also got workers accustomed to long hours and fewer protections, after clashing with U.S. regulators over labor conditions at his California plant. The Shanghai factory helped make Tesla the most valuable car company in the world and Mr. Musk ultrarich.

But Tesla is now struggling. Mr. Musk helped create his competition, Chinese E.V. makers that are taking market share and becoming a security concern for the United States and Europe.

In California, where Tesla launched its first car in 2008, the company has profited from an emissions mandate that allows it to sell credits — billions of dollars worth of them — to automakers that cannot meet pollution targets.

As Mr. Musk turned to China, his lobbyists encouraged leaders there to adopt a similar policy. Emails and other documents we obtained show they worked through California environmentalists intent on cleaning up China’s air.

Beijing adopted the policy, which was also being promoted by groups unconnected to Tesla, in 2017. After Tesla opened its Shanghai factory in 2020, the company earned hundreds of millions of dollars in credits through the policy, according to the market analysis company CRU Group.

The Shanghai factory has replaced Tesla’s plant in Fremont, Calif., as its largest and most productive, accounting for over half of the company’s global deliveries and the bulk of its profits.

As the plant took shape in just under a year, Mr. Musk worked closely with a city official who is now China’s premier, Li Qiang. Under Mr. Li’s watch, state-run banks offered Tesla low-interest loans, a deal so generous that a senior auto official recalled a minister balking at it.

China also changed ownership rules so that Tesla could set up without a local partner, a first for a foreign auto company in China.

Mr. Musk saves on production and labor costs in Shanghai and cannot easily extricate himself, should he ever want to. Because the billionaire’s wealth is tied up in Tesla stock, his personal fortune now hinges on what happens in China.

Mr. Musk’s reliance on the Shanghai factory may give Beijing leverage over him.

That’s a concern because a second company of Mr. Musk’s, SpaceX, has sensitive Pentagon contracts and controls much of the world’s satellite internet through its Starlink network.

Mr. Musk has said that his companies should not be conflated. But he has also praised Chinese leaders and taken China’s side in geopolitical disputes, even as he rails against politicians in the United States.

In an online conversation with two members of Congress in July, he called himself “kind of pro-China.”

Mr. Musk, who has insinuated that American workers are lazy, demanded intensity at Tesla’s Fremont factory, sometimes even sleeping on the factory floor himself.

In Shanghai, Mr. Musk could escape American regulators and labor organizers.

We talked to Chinese factory workers who described being asked to work six consecutive twelve-hour shifts during the city’s 2022 coronavirus lockdown.

Some slept on the floor of the factory, as Mr. Musk had in Fremont. They could choose not to work, but for a pay cut, they said.

When a worker was crushed to death by machinery last year, a government report citing safety gaps was taken offline.

Chinese leaders wanted a Tesla plant to jump-start China’s E.V. sector. That’s exactly what happened.

In Shanghai, Tesla switched to using locally made batteries and parts, in some cases helping suppliers develop technologies that they then sold to Chinese E.V. makers. Tesla also trained a generation of talent.

Now Europe and the United States are trying to catch up. The French finance minister, Bruno Le Maire, says China has a five- to seven-year head start on Europe.

And Tesla itself is increasingly vulnerable. Its Chinese rival BYD overtook it in worldwide sales late last year. Without trade barriers, Mr. Musk warned in January, BYD and others will “pretty much demolish most other car companies in the world.”

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The 'Rules-Based Order' Is Already Over

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Russia has already shown that Western ostracism is not necessarily fatal.

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Republic of Ireland 0-1 Switzerland: John O’Shea’s interim spell as manager ends in defeat | Football News

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A piece of magic from Xherdan Shaqiri ensured John O’Shea’s reign as interim Republic of Ireland head coach ended in disappointment as Switzerland eased to a 1-0 friendly victory in Dublin.

The Chicago Fire midfielder’s sweet 23rd-minute free-kick proved the difference between the sides, but did not fully reflect the control the visitors exerted on a night when Ireland, ranked 43 places below the Swiss, were unable to build upon Saturday’s creditable draw with Belgium.

If the game did represent the second half of an audition for the vacant manager’s job for O’Shea after a groundswell of popular support – Roberto Di Matteo’s presence at the Aviva Stadium is understood to have been coincidental – it proved somewhat uncomfortable at times before a late flurry raised spirits.

Xherdan Shaqiri scored the decisive free-kick
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Xherdan Shaqiri scored the decisive free-kick

Ireland have now won just one of their last eight games in all competitions – and that against Gibraltar – and while the victory was just a second in nine attempts for Switzerland, they have lost just once.

O’Shea made three changes to the side which drew 0-0 with the Belgians as Gavin Bazunu replaced Caoimhin Kelleher in goal, Mikey Johnston came in for the injured Chiedozie Ogbene and Jason Knight got the nod ahead of Will Smallbone in midfield.

Ireland set out on the front foot with Johnston pushing up alongside Evan Ferguson and Seamus Coleman and Robbie Brady attempting to support from the flanks.

Republic of Ireland have won one of their last eight games
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Republic of Ireland have won one of their last eight games

However, it was the Swiss who created the game’s first opening with 10 minutes gone when Dan Ndoye cut inside Coleman from the left and unleashed a shot which was blocked by Nathan Collins and looped up to Silvan Widmer, whose header back across goal as Bazunu opted not to come for the ball was cleared by Andrew Omobamidele.

Debutant Vincent Sierro failed to trouble Bazunu from distance with a dipping 30-yard attempt as the visitors settled, but Coleman only just mistimed his run as he collected Sammie Szmodics’ fine reverse pass to get in behind for the first time, only to be pulled back by an offside flag.

But it was Murat Yakin’s side who took a 23rd-minute lead in some style when, after Dara O’Shea – much to his annoyance – had been penalised for a trip on Zeki Amdouni on the edge of the penalty area, former Stoke and Liverpool player Shaqiri stepped up to curl a superb left-footed free-kick around the defensive wall and beyond Bazunu’s dive.

Switzerland’s slick inter-play allowed them repeatedly to evade Ireland’s press and deny them possession for lengthy periods, in the process isolating frontman Ferguson.

Omobamidele headed straight at keeper Yvon Mvogo after O’Shea had helped Brady’s half-cleared 37th-minute free-kick back across goal, and Johnston headed wide from Knight’s inviting 42nd-minute cross.

However in the meantime, Switzerland skipper Granit Xhaka – winning his 123rd senior cap – had pounced on a scuffed Bazunu clearance and rattled the post from distance with the scrambling keeper wrong-footed to leave head coach O’Shea with food for thought.

Coleman and Knight attempted to inject a greater urgency as the second half got under way, but Switzerland soon eased their way back on top and Bazunu found himself having to deal with a long-range attempt from Michel Aebischer after Amdouni had prospered down the left.

Substitutes Matt Doherty and Adam Idah combined with 24 minutes remaining when the striker sent an overhead kick wide from the defender’s header back, and Ireland started to impose themselves in terms of possession as the game entered its final quarter.

However, they lacked the penetration and the precision – Idah smashed a shot just high and wide at the end of an enterprising 81st-minute run – to make it count as the visitors saw out time in relative comfort.

O’Shea: I’m more than ready for management

John O'Shea says he is 'more than ready' for management
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John O’Shea says he is ‘more than ready’ for management

O’Shea insists he is “more than ready” for management despite his spell as interim Republic of Ireland boss ending in disappointment.

Football Association of Ireland chiefs have indicated they will name Stephen Kenny’s successor early next month with O’Shea having attracted popular support over the last week or so.

Asked what his instinct is on his own future, he said: “My instinct would be that I’m more than ready and capable to be a manager.”

O’Shea has vast experience of international football as a player – he was capped 118 times for Ireland – and has worked as a coach with both the Under-21s and the senior squad under Kenny as well as holding club roles with Reading, Stoke and Birmingham.

Asked if he would seek clarity from the FAI over his chances of being considered for the vacancy, the 42-year-old replied: “I think that’s something that we will obviously discuss later on.

“For me, the full focus was on the two games, enjoy the moment, learn from it and really understand it, learn about myself in terms of how I cope with the situation, with the games, and learn do I want to do it more.

“And look, the emphatic answer from me would be, yes. But where that is, let’s wait and see.

“As I’ve mentioned before, it’s only given me a taste for more, whether that be with Ireland or with club football or whatever the case may be.

“It’s something I’ve loved every minute of and I’ve been fully engrossed with it. It’s just annoying that we didn’t get a win in either of the two games.”

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I Never Thought I Could Fall In Love With a Woman. Then Came Prison.

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There’s a phrase that is often used in women’s prisons: “Gay for the stay.”

When I first heard it, at Taconic Correctional Facility in 2019, I didn’t understand what it meant. This was my first time in prison, and I was a married heterosexual woman with six children.

But during my first visit to the recreation yard in this Westchester, New York prison, I couldn’t help but notice how many women were coupled up.

Later on, another incarcerated woman told me that she was “gay for the stay.” When I asked her about it, she said she was married to a man, had never been in a sexual relationship with a woman before, and had every intention of returning to her husband upon release. But while she was serving her time, she, like so many other women, still had sexual desires that needed to be met.

I remember thinking to myself, That’s crazy. How can someone pretend to be something they have never been, be intimate and not develop feelings? I just knew that was never going to be me.

Countless times I was approached by women who were interested in me, but I always turned down their advances. I did not consider myself a lesbian or “gay for the stay.” However, as time went on, I began to get to know the women I was housed with, and I became friends with a few of them.

There was one particular woman I became fond of, whom I’ll call A. She and I had a lot in common, particularly when it came to our past experiences and disastrous relationships. The more time we spent together, the more my attachment grew.

One night, I came in from my work program as a porter in the health clinic, and headed for the shower. Of course, there is no privacy in prison, so A. entered the shower area and began talking to me. I remember the way she slowly pulled the curtain open and looked at me with desire.

I remember asking her, “What are you doing?” and then telling her she was not supposed to be there. But she stepped into the shower fully clothed, and at that point, I did not know what to do. I was thinking and feeling so many things: I was nervous because I did not want to be caught, scared because I had never been with a woman before, and excited because of the way A. was making me feel.

All I could do was back into the corner of the small shower as she continued to get closer and gently started to touch me. As she awaited my reaction, she kissed me. I became so aroused that I let her continue.

I don’t know if I let her keep going because I was vulnerable, or because I hadn’t been touched in years. Perhaps it was both. What I do know is I enjoyed every second of the experience. It was as if A. ignited a fire in me that was waiting to be lit. I was amazed by the way she, a woman, was able to make me feel. But I also felt that I was doing something wrong.

From that day forward, I viewed A. differently. I began to appreciate her presence. I found myself in awe over little things about her, admiring the glow of her skin and the way her silky hair glistened in the sun. I began battling with myself, trying to reassure myself it was OK to be fascinated by a woman, and that perhaps giving myself to her would not be such a ghastly idea.

I eventually resolved the mental battle; A. was all I could think about. Still, I often asked myself if this could be real or if it was just something all women did in prison. Did A. really have feelings for me, or did she just want to satisfy her own sexual desires?

I decided to ask some of the other women at Taconic to get a better understanding of the terrain. Their responses included wanting companionship, seeking sexual gratification, and achieving financial stability. (Some of us who don’t have family members to send us money will get into a relationship with someone who can buy them or share items from the commissary.)

Some of the women told me they were just curious and wanted to experiment with their sexuality. A few said they did it simply to adapt to the environment because it was one way to fit in.

I believe women in prison enter relationships because they are trying to fill a void within themselves. Many of us have suffered all sorts of trauma, and we are searching for an alternative. To survive, we try to continue as if we are still at home. We get up, go to work or program, and, instead of cooking for our kids, we cook for our lover. We go out on dates in the yard and come back to shower.

Just for the record, it is prohibited to engage in a sexual relationship while incarcerated. We are subject to consequences. If we are caught, we could receive a misbehavior report followed by a hearing. After the hearing, if found guilty, we could be sent to a special housing unit for a period ranging from 72 hours to 15 days. There could also be loss of privileges such as recreation, packages, commissary, phone or tablet. That is a lot to lose for a few minutes of pleasure. Perhaps this shows how desperate we are, that we are willing to take these risks just to feel like a woman again.

In this environment, however, many women feel more comfortable and willing to reveal their sexuality. Gays on the outside are often bombarded with criticism, hate and abuse. In prison, I believe it is easier to express ourselves because so many of the other women are doing it as well.

Don’t get me wrong, though: We do face discrimination from the security staff as well as a handful of the incarcerated population who do not like the fact that they are working and living with lesbians. Sometimes we are forced to move to another unit as a consequence.

And when the correctional staff learns that two women are in a relationship, one of the women might be moved to another unit or building to separate them. What I learned is no matter where someone is in the world, we will always face some sort of discrimination.

Within two months of my first romantic encounter with A. I made the decision to give the “gay for the stay” thing a try. We genuinely fell in love with each other, and two years later, she and I are still in a relationship. It turned out to be one of the best decisions I’ve made in a long time.

I had been raised to believe that only a man could love, provide for and protect a woman, but the man I had married provided none of these things, and I divorced him. A. showed me I did not need a man to make me happy, and she introduced me to a world I never knew existed. She showed me how I was supposed to be treated. And I learned how to love just when I thought it was impossible.

I never thought I would fall in love with a woman, but I am grateful God brought A. into my life. Because of her, something beautiful came out of the demoralizing predicament I am in. Our relationship has helped me to understand that we should never judge anyone because of their sexual preference. We should never be ashamed of who we are or with whom we fall in love.

Being with A. is like a breath of fresh air after spending over two decades with a man who was mentally and physically abusive to me. I think God removes people from your life and replaces them.

I believe I was placed in prison in order to work on myself and to get to know the real me and what I am worth, flaws and all.

A. was released from prison at the end of 2021, went home, and kept every promise she made to me. She has formed an amazing relationship with my mother, and, most importantly, she has created a strong bond with my children.

I am a better person today because I accepted A. into my life, letting her provide me with the love and affection that I need. I provide her with the same, making her feel desired and appreciated. So now, when I am asked, “Are you gay for the stay?” my answer is, “No, I’m now gay at the gate, but only for A.”

Samantha Vantassell is serving a seven-year sentence at Taconic Correctional Facility for drug trafficking. She is originally from Poughkeepsie, New York. While incarcerated, she earned an associate’s degree with high honors from Marymount Manhattan College. She expects to be released in April 2024 with time-earned credit for educational achievement.

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Best of Wit & Delight: 14 of Kate’s Interior Design Articles

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I’m sharing 14 of the most-read interior design articles I’ve written, from projects in my home to design tips and ideas.

The post Best of Wit & Delight: 14 of Kate’s Interior Design Articles appeared first on Wit & Delight | Designing a Life Well-Lived.

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Transforming Our Outdoor Space: A Beginner’s Journey With Gardening and Landscaping | Wit & Delight

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Lush, green front lawn of a home

I’m so excited to share the reveal of our front yard, including before and after photos! One of the things I’ve always loved about our house is all the mature trees and shrubs in our yard. It felt like hitting the jackpot upon moving in. While I love the calming sound of the trees, the shade, and the visual variety of foliage, it’s a time and cost commitment to keep the yard looking good and staying healthy.

A dying front yard with trees full of bare branches, and dying grass

You might remember the saga that transpired early this spring when we realized twenty mature bushes, trees, and shrubs in the front yard died over the winter. More continued to fail in health as spring became hotter. We were incredibly disappointed to have been sold treatments by SavATree so late in the year (a morally dubious move on their behalf). Even more disappointing, they did nothing to help us deal with the massive cost we incurred from their advice and services.

Patchy lawn and bare branches in a front yard

This loss was an opportunity to clear space (literally) and transform the front yard into something we could manage with our very beginner gardening skills. Thankfully, we had good people with a lot of experience and knowledge to help us select the right plants, remove what needed to go with care, and ultimately install something that will grow into a gorgeous front yard very soon.

Once we decided to remove the dead plants, I used plans we received last year from Landscape Love as a template. We had worked with them to design plans for a yard that felt like it belonged in the English countryside—with a bit of a coastal twist. I wanted to mix bold colors like deep indigo, tomato red, creamy yellow, and white. I also was really drawn to hydrangeas and boxwoods—that Americana look you see in Martha’s Vineyard. These plans were vast, extensive, and something we couldn’t afford to implement for a couple of years. It was decided to use a portion of this design to tackle only the garden beds this year. 

The project was still massive and I needed help. I reached out to Jessie Jacobson at Tonkadale Greenhouse to see if she’d be interested in collaborating on this project. I was so excited when she not only offered to help provide the plants but also edit my wish list down to something more manageable.

Jessie honed the palette into a classic ivory and blue look with pops of tomato red. I’m so excited to see our peonies, Oriental poppies, blue salvia, and loads of hydrangeas bloom! We also planted irises (a new favorite of mine), a boxwood hedge along the front, and modern Korean feather reed grass. Haaga Rhododendron, Russian sage, and astilbe were planted too.

The experts at Tonkadale in action!

Once Jessie was on board we got to work. Here’s what we did:

  1. Landscapers removed all the dead trees and shrubs. All the compromised items that had been neglected or nearing the end of their lifespan were now gone.
  2. We hired our lawn maintenance team to help establish a new lawn and reduce the number of garden beds. This helped with the huge amount of maintenance this large of a space requires. 
  3. Tonkadale Greenhouse delivered plants, compost, and detailed instructions for how to plant and water everything. 
  4. Tonkadale Greenhouse helped us with the layout and garden bed design. Our landscape team installed a limestone border, added mulch, and then installed sod to establish the lawn. 
  5. All the rocks and hardscape were cleaned and polished up, which really made the space sing. 

I learned SO MUCH throughout this process, especially working with Tonkadale Greenhouse. They provided clarity and expertise and turned our best-laid plans into a reality. I wanted to share these learnings with you because the whole process was overwhelming for a newbie gardener. 

A Few Takeaways When Tackling a Landscaping Project

1. Consult with a gardening/landscaping expert.

I put a lot of time and effort into our yard before this big project. Plants would die, weeds would grow back, and I’d feel more overwhelmed with our overflowing garden beds the following year. The lack of progress I made was not for a lack of work put into the space. I needed to understand how to work with outdoor spaces—how to plan for the ways they grow and change over time.

Knowing when to do what, in what season, and how the way you do it affects the growth of what you’re working with made my head spin. I had previously met Jessie when visiting Tonkadale Greenhouse for indoor plantings and holiday decorating projects. I knew they provided a ton of education and insight into not only WHAT to purchase but also HOW to plant it and care for it over time. That care and knowledge went above and beyond what I had experienced on other occasions. My point is to work with good people and ask LOTS of questions.

Tonkadale Greenhouse also has lots of resources available on their blog! This article includes expert tips for planting healthy trees and shrubs.

2. Choose low-maintenance plants and flowers.

Many of the inspirational images I’d saved required someone (me) who could tend to and maintain them daily. I learned that even the most “undone” looking gardens need knowledge and labor to keep them looking amazing. That’s why knowing which low-maintenance plants and flowers to use throughout my front yard was so important. This included drought-tolerant succulents, ornamental grasses, and perennials. By choosing plants that require minimal maintenance, I plan to spend more time enjoying my outdoor space than tending to it. I’ll be writing about how to prep this space for the winter season in the fall, and I’m looking forward to learning all about it! 

A gravel and rock garden surrounded by lush willow trees and grass

3. Trust the vision and be patient. 

I am enjoying how fresh and clean our new space looks. But I am impatient to see plants grow and flowers bloom. The spacing between plants feels awkward now, but it will look like an entirely different area next year. 

When I talked with Jessie about the vision for the front yard, she mentioned the joys of an ever-changing landscape. It’s a way to keep in touch with the seasons, create something the community can enjoy, and get in touch with the rhythm of nature. I see why people become avid gardeners with time, experience, and the pride that comes with tending to something you must wait to enjoy. And that’s something we don’t get the privilege to do often these days.

I hope this post is helpful for anyone who may be as overwhelmed as I’ve been regarding their landscaping projects. Remember, knowledge is power. When you don’t have it, find the people who can help you (and your plants!) grow along the way. 

A shadow is seen in vibrant green grass in a front yard. The sun is setting behind the figure



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