This post is brought to you by Sézane. See more of my favorites from Sézane here.
After more than a year of working with Sézane and wearing their pieces (nearly) daily, I wanted to put together a recap of the best (aka most versatile, most worn, and best quality) items I’ve had the pleasure of adding to my closet. When I reflect on this list, I realize that each of the silhouettes is unique to Sézane, meaning you won’t find a dupe like it on sites like J.Crew, Madewell, etc. The silhouettes sell out again and again for a reason. Today I’m sharing, in no particular order, the wardrobe staples I would buy from Sézane if I were building my closet from scratch.
Here are my favorite wardrobe staples I’ve received this year from Sézane.
Crafted from merino wool, the Betty Cardigan is ideal for winter. A stylish crochet finish along the collar, pockets, and bottom sleeves adds a touch of texture to your outfit, making it perfect for any occasion—from work to weekend plans. This timeless piece can be paired with everything from jeans to skirts to create various looks.
A Note on Fit: This runs a tad small. Consider ordering up a size.
2. Jacques Trousers
$170
I’m apple-shaped and have mostly stayed away from paper bag trousers, as they traditionally haven’t been very flattering on me. Not these, however. The fit of these trousers is incredible—they’re flattering and very comfortable.
A Note on Fit: They fit true to size. You probably will need to get them hemmed if you are below 5’ 7”.
3. Emile Cardigan
$170
The Emile cardigan is perfect. It can be worn with the buttons in the front or the back! The light alpaca and wool blend makes it cozy enough for chilly days, while the ballooned sleeves give it a fun silhouette. It looks great paired with jeans and a tee or with a feminine skirt and blouse.
A Note on Fit: It fits true to size. However, it has a slightly oversized fit, so if you are in between sizes, consider choosing the size below.
4. Louise Jumper
$145
The Louise jumper is a must-have wardrobe staple. This super kid mohair jumper features long sleeves, a round neckline, and a button placket at the bottom of the sleeve. Pair it with high-waisted jeans and boots for a classic look or with a mini skirt and heels for a more polished look. I also love to throw this around my shoulders or convert it to a scarf. No matter how you style it, this versatile piece will always make you look effortlessly chic.
A Note on Fit: This sweater runs large. Size down two sizes if you’d like a more fitted look!
5. Brut Sexy
$125
This pair of jeans has a hold on me. I have been wearing my grey ones nonstop and have gotten compliments on them at the grocery store. It’s a great cut if you miss the style of denim with a narrower leg but still want to feel very current. I love pairing cream denim with crisp whites and navy. Pair these with a tucked-in blouse or a fitted tee for an effortless yet elegant silhouette.
A Note on Fit: Size up in these jeans. I’m usually a size 25 in denim but wear a 27 in these. Also, be sure to consider the fit notes listed below each wash, as different washes will fit differently. This cream color is made of 99% organic cotton and 1% elastane and runs bigger than my grey pair, which is 100% organic cotton.
6. Romie Bag
$430
A classic, minimal black bucket bag was high on my list this year. I love styles by The Row and Céline but they aren’t in my budget. The Romie is absolutely gorgeous and has that understated luxury feel that reminds me of what I love about The Row and Céline. It’s also a fraction of the cost of those bags! The Romie bag is the perfect accessory to carry all your essentials in an effortless, elevated style.
7. Tobias Jumper
$170
I can’t get enough of Sézane’s knitwear. This half-zip sweater feels like a dream and is perfect for layering. This sweater is so good I wear it everywhere—the grocery store, Pilates class, and out to dinner. It’s perfect for running errands or grabbing a casual lunch with friends.
A Note on Fit: The Tobias sweater fits true to size. However, if you prefer a more fitted look, I recommend going down a size.
Editor’s Note: This post is sponsored by Sézane. The compensation we receive in exchange for placement on Wit & Delight we use to purchase props, hire a photographer, write/edit the blog post, and support the larger team behind Wit & Delight.
While compensation is received in exchange for coverage, all thoughts and opinions are always my own. Sponsored posts like these allow us to continue to develop dynamic unsponsored content. Thank you for supporting our partners!
Kate is the founder of Wit & Delight. She is currently learning how to play tennis and is forever testing the boundaries of her creative muscle. Follow her on Instagram at @witanddelight_.
Not long after my fortieth birthday this November, I wrote a personal contract with myself. I signed it to make it official, and Joe did the same as my witness. I’ve been referencing it every day since. This contract has served as a filter and a guide whenever I feel lost in a particular area of my life. It’s been so helpful to me that I wanted to share more about it with you all. Perhaps writing a personal contract with yourself is something you’ll feel pulled to do as we move toward the new year.
Why I Decided to Write a Personal Contract
One thing I’ve noticed about myself is that the way I want my life to look is not always aligned with my habits and how I respond to emotions or situations. There’s a good reason for this—our subconscious mind is really powerful, and our intentional thoughts and actions don’t have the inherent strength of our subconscious. It’s frustrating to have the best of intentions and find yourself disappointed by decisions you make, over and over again. This frustration was one of the main reasons I wanted to write a contract with myself: to provide a strong sense of transparency that helps guide my everyday decisions in the direction I want my life to go.
Over the past six months, I’ve taken a hard look at the role I play in guiding my own life. I’ve been honest with myself about how I get in my way; I’ve realized it’s not only external factors that hold me back. This process of confrontation has built my self-esteem in a way I didn’t know was possible, and my personal contract was born out of it.
The Benefits of Writing a Personal Contract
It provides clarity.
My personal contract is a reflection of all the things I want in life. It’s distilled down to clear priorities that remind me to build the habits that will lead me where I want to go. The kind of clarity it provides helps me make intentional choices throughout my day that are beneficial to the life I want to create. It helps me prioritize things I know will have a payoff and are worth pursuing.
It’s sustainable.
I’ve always been gung-ho about personal development, but my commitment to various practices has ebbed and flowed over time. Writing a contract with myself has made personal development both sustainable and approachable. It’s very different than the black-and-white perfectionistic way of being in the world.
The contract is about creating an external version of me to reference whenever I’m feeling small or scared. It’s designed to build my confidence and my ability to do the things I want to do in life.
Over time, it builds confidence.
I wrote the contract at a time when I felt confident and believed in myself. The language in it is empowering. It’s about persevering and feeling capable, both when circumstances are good and when they’re less than ideal. It’s about reminding myself I can do hard, scary things AND deal with the discomfort that comes in the aftermath. The contract is about creating an external version of me to reference whenever I’m feeling small or scared. It’s designed to build my confidence and my ability to do the things I want to do in life.
What I Included in My Contract
My contract starts with a personal mission statement and an overview of the sections I’m including. Then it goes into *how* I will make things happen in different areas of my life. In each section, I include the intentions I’m setting for myself as well as some examples of how those intentions should play out in my everyday life. While I won’t share the entirety of the contract here, I will share a brief overview of each section below, to give you a sense of what my contract looks like.
Worthiness and how I have my own back. This has to do with moving from external validation to internal forms of validation.
Finances. This has to do with educating myself, upholding financial systems, and instilling long-term financial values.
Legacy. This relates to what I want the brand I’ve built to be, both now and in the future.
Community. This reinforces my commitment to the community of people who support me and the brand, which includes anyone reading this right now.
Family and relationships. The language here is about doing what I say I’ll do, showing up for others, and not putting words in people’s mouths.
Values. This is where I clarified my core personal values.If you don’t feel connected to yours, try writing them in a third-person point of view.
Goals. This includes what I want to achieve, why I want to achieve it, and how I will achieve it.
Things that no longer serve me. This includes a very detailed list of what I’m letting go of, from habits to friendships to cycles of self-sabotage.
Self-respect. This has to do with strengthening my commitment to myself.
Having a plan and showing up every day. This is about meeting myself where I’m at each day and continuing to propel myself forward.
How You Can Write a Contract With Yourself
A good contract provides clarity and ensures every involved party is getting what they want out of an agreement. In the case of a personal contract, it provides the perspective that you can handle what life throws your way, make informed choices, and live in an intention-based way. A personal contract offers the opposite of overwhelm. It instills in you the knowledge that you’re capable of chipping away at whatever obstacle comes before you.
A personal contract offers the opposite of overwhelm. It instills in you the knowledge that you’re capable of chipping away at whatever obstacle comes before you.
Here are a few tips for writing a personal contract:
Be specific.
Get specific, both about the new areas of your life you want to cultivate and the areas you want to approach differently than you have before. Reflect on things that have gone wrong in the past and think through how you could tackle them differently in the future, so you have a strong reference point for scenarios you may encounter again. After all, we all know life is hard sometimes. What’s in between the life you want and where you are now is a whole lot of things you don’t want to do.
Be realistic.
It’s also important that the contract is not wishful thinking; that it isn’t a blindly optimistic hope for your future. Mine is optimistic about the long term and pessimistic about the short term. It is also achievable. It includes things I know I can do. It’s not a source of shame or pressure to measure up (see worthiness clause above).
Revisit and revise often.
In the seven weeks I’ve used the contract to plan my days and weeks, I have been able to get more specific about certain things within it. Don’t be afraid to refine and change things as you learn more about a situation or even yourself.
Kate is the founder of Wit & Delight. She is currently learning how to play tennis and is forever testing the boundaries of her creative muscle. Follow her on Instagram at @witanddelight_.
The four men suspected of carrying out a bloody attack on a concert hall near Moscow, killing at least 137 people, were arraigned in a district court late Sunday and charged with committing a terrorist act.
The four, who were from Tajikistan but worked as migrant laborers in Russia, were remanded in custody until May 22, according to state and independent media outlets reporting from the proceedings, at Basmanny District Court. They face a maximum sentence of life in prison.
The press service of the court only announced that the first two defendants, Dalerjon B. Mirzoyev and Saidakrami M. Rachalbalizoda, pleaded guilty to the charges. It did not specify any plea from the other two, Mediazona, an independent news outlet, reported.
The men looked severely battered and injured as each of them was brought into the courtroom separately. Videos of them being tortured and beaten while under interrogation circulated widely on Russian social media.
Muhammadsobir Z. Fayzov, a 19-year-old barber and the youngest of the men charged, was rolled into the courtroom from a hospital emergency room on a tall, orange wheelchair, attended by a doctor, the reports said. He sat propped up in the wheelchair inside the glass cage for defendants, wearing a catheter and an open hospital gown with his chest partially exposed. Often speaking in Tajik through a translator, he answered questions about his biography quietly and stammered, according to Mediazona.
Mr. Rachabalizoda, 30, had a large bandage hanging off the right side of his head where interrogators had sliced off a part of his ear and forced it into his mouth, the reports said, with the cutting captured in a video that spread online.
The judge allowed the press to witness only parts of the hearings, citing concerns that sensitive details about the investigation might be revealed or the lives of court workers put at risk. It is not an unusual ruling in Russia.
Russia’s Federal Security Services announced on Saturday that 11 people had been detained, including the four charged men, who were arrested after the car they were fleeing in was intercepted by the authorities 230 miles southwest of Moscow.
In the attack, on Friday night, four gunmen opened fire inside the hall just as a rock concert by the group Piknik was due to start. They also set off explosive devices that ignited the building and eventually caused its roof to collapse. Aside from the dead, there were 182 injured, and more than 100 remain hospitalized, according to the regional health ministry.
President Vladimir V. Putin used the fact that the highway where the men were detained leads to Ukraine to suggest that the attack was somehow linked to Ukraine’s war effort. But the United States has said repeatedly that the attack was the work of an extremist jihadi organization, the Islamic State, which claimed responsibility.
The first charged, Mr. Mirzoyev, who had a black eye and cuts and bruises all over his face, leaned for support against the glass wall of the court cage as the charge against him was read. Mr. Mirzoyev, 32, has four children and had a temporary residence permit in the southern Siberian city of Novosibirsk, but it had expired, the reports said.
Mr. Rachabalizoda, married with a child, said he was legally registered in Russia but did not remember where.
The fourth man charged, Shamsidin Fariduni, 25, married with an 8-month-old baby, worked in a factory producing parquet in the Russian city of Podolsk, just southwest of Moscow. He had also worked as a handyman in Krasnogorsk, the Moscow suburb where the attack took place at Crocus City Hall, at a concert venue within a sprawling shopping complex just outside the Moscow city limits.
The Islamic State has been able to recruit hundreds of adherents among migrant laborers from Central Asia in Russia who are often angry about the discrimination they frequently face.
Alina Lobzina, Paul Sonne and Milana Mazaeva contributed reporting.
Asgard’s Captain is seeking a hat-trick in the feature at Newcastle, but Cusack and Westernesse are out to deny him at Gosforth Park…
5.30 Newcastle – Asgard’s Captain eyes hat-trick
Hat-trick seeking Asgard’s Captain goes for Dylan Cunha, who is currently operating at a 33 per cent strike rate over the past two weeks. If this son of Make Believe arrives in the same sort of form he looks very hard to beat.
Two-time course and distance winner Cusack has already ran six times in 2024 and is still on a career-high mark of 75. He now meets Asgard’s Captain on better terms than he did two starts ago so it wouldn’t be a huge surprise to see him finish closer to him today.
Paris Lights is a full brother to St Mark’s Basilica and while he hasn’t hit the heights of his high-class sibling, he has now slipped to a very dangerous mark of 77 and any market support could be very revealing.
4.30 Newcastle – Bobby Shaftoe takes on Bringbackmemories
Jim Goldie saddles Bobby Shaftoe who has hit a rich vein of form of late and looks for his third course and distance this month, and as long as he copes with a two-day turnaround he could be hard to beat again.
Bringbackmemories very rarely runs a bad race and was well supported to get his head in front last time out before finishing a close third. If there are any signs that the race has come too quick for the favourite, he looks to be the biggest danger to spoil the party.
Fleur De Mer hasn’t been out of the first three in his last five starts and has her first try at this trip but considering her half-brother was placed in a Grade Three hurdle in France, stamina shouldn’t be a problem here.
7.00 Newcastle – Bulls Aye returns
It’s been 161 days since we have seen Bulls Aye and that was over one mile and one furlong – won with a bit in hand while only going up 2lb. He has won over today’s trip of seven furlongs before, but he may be best watched as today may not be his main target.
Spartan Fighter caused a shock when winning at 20/1 last time out, making use of a low mark of 155. A 4lb rise looks tough here and it may be best advised to look elsewhere.
Sean Kirrane gave Martin’s Brig a never-say-die ride when winning at Newcastle last time out and if he manages to get to the front again, he could again be very hard to pass.
This is The Marshall Project’s Closing Argument newsletter, a weekly deep dive into a key criminal justice issue. Want this delivered to your inbox? Subscribe to future newsletters here.
Last Saturday, a San Bernardino sheriff’s deputy shot and killed Ryan Gainer, an autistic Black 15-year-old, outside his home in Apple Valley, California. The shooting, which is under investigation, came after Gainer chased the deputy with a large bladed garden tool, according to police and body camera footage released by the department. The teen’s family had called 911 when he became upset during a disagreement, broke a glass door and struck a relative. They told CNN that by the time deputies arrived, Ryan had calmed down and apologized.
“The mix of race and disability status greatly increases the potential for deadly interactions with police,” said Mia Ives-Rublee, director of the Disability Justice Initiative at the Center for American Progress, a progressive think tank. “Families shouldn’t have to think twice about calling for help, worrying whether it will end in tragedy.”
In other cases, a person with intellectual or developmental disabilities may be unable to understand or perform a command by police. “The officer very often will perceive that inability as a refusal,” University of South Carolina law professor Seth Stoughton, a former police officer, told NPR in 2019. That can escalate the situation.
There is little evidence for the efficacy of these kinds of training programs. In Modesto, California, police Lt. Joseph Bottoms told the Modesto Bee that it would be “very, very hard to collect” data on how many encounters officers have with people on the autism spectrum or the outcome of those encounters before and after training.
A new training program in Modesto is focusing on how neurodivergent people can experience sensory information differently. For many people with ASD, intense stimuli, like flashing lights and loud noises, can worsen a behavioral crisis. Often, these kinds of stimuli accompany an encounter with law enforcement.
Another effort that is catching on in some departments is the “Blue Envelope” program for neurodivergent motorists. The small packets contain the driver’s license, registration, and insurance card, along with information for an officer about the person’s diagnosis, triggers and impairments. The program has become especially popular in Massachusetts, where the state Senate earlier this year unanimously advanced a law that would make the blue envelopes available at police stations.
The San Bernardino County Sheriff’s Office has one such program, but it’s unknown if the Gainer’s family participated. Regardless, both the family and the sheriff’s office said that deputies had responded to the family’s home on previous occasions and that the department was familiar with Gainer.
Autism isn’t the only condition that can affect police interactions. Many intellectual, cognitive, and developmental disabilities, along with mental illness and drug use, can impact the way people respond and react to law enforcement. As my colleague Christie Thompson reported in 2022, dementia is increasingly becoming a factor in arrests around the country as the population ages. As a result, she noted, more cities are “questioning whether armed police are the right people to send to calls of people in mental distress.” Instead, some localities are launching community response teams staffed with social workers and mental health professionals.
In February, the U.S. Department of Justice endorsed efforts to get police out of the business of mental health emergencies. In a statement, Assistant Attorney General Kristen Clarke referred to police as a “less effective, potentially harmful” response to people experiencing mental health emergencies when compared to community response-style interventions.
Clarke’s comments came after a lawsuit filed by the ACLU last summer on behalf of the Washington, D.C., non-profit Bread for the City. The suit argued that the city’s 911 emergency services violated the Americans with Disabilities Act by sending armed police to confront people experiencing mental health emergencies.
It’s worth noting that anyone can experience a mental health emergency, but many cognitive and developmental disabilities, as well as mental illnesses, can make mental health emergencies more likely.
Staff at Bread for the City say that often when their clients are in crisis, the only way to get them help is to call 911, have police show up, handcuff them, and put them in a patrol car. Tracy Knight, who has led the social services program at the nonprofit for decades, told Washington Post columnist Petula Dvorak, “It’s an unnecessary trauma for everyone involved.”
Update: This story was updated to include the latest figures from the National Conference of State Legislators about states that require certain police training.
Here’s the story of my 2023. The stuff I wasn’t ready to talk about or didn’t know how to share when I was living it. The hard truths that led to my semi-resignation and the reason I’m officially back in 2024.
This annual recap has become a bit of a tradition on Wit & Delight (read previous posts here: 2022, 2021, 2020, and 2019). I thought about skipping the 2023 recap altogether because, to be honest, looking back is uncomfortable, even if you’ve had a decent year. But these reflection posts are important to me because looking back from memory is often a distorted representation of what happened. I don’t remember much from my childhood or twenties at this point in life. So I know firsthand if I don’t write it down, my brain rewrites history. And I don’t want that. I want to remember the experience of living—the horrors and the misfortunes, all intertwined with the depths of love, joy, and daily delights.
While I’m writing this for me, I share it publicly because it’s not uncommon to experience this soup of emotions throughout a year. My failures and breakdowns are experiences that aren’t special or unique to me. They may seem tiny to some and massive to others. While my circumstances are unique (and privileged), we don’t see enough blueprints for what it looks like to return after massive failure. We don’t often see people choosing to get up and try again. The scale and circumstances of others’ experiences might be different altogether, but the feelings of hopelessness—and the places we find the hope to start again—are universal.
I know firsthand if I don’t write it down, my brain rewrites history. And I don’t want that. I want to remember the experience of living—the horrors and the misfortunes, all intertwined with the depths of love, joy, and daily delights.
It is my wish that this recap offers someone who is crashing through failure after failure—through bad timing, bad luck, and a lot of disappointment—the realization that there is always hope, even in times you cannot readily access it. There is hope even when you’ve not yet come through to the other side.
This was the year I broke down, but also the year I finally came to know who I am. Read my entire 2023 year in review below.
January 2023
It’s the first day of the year and I am not hungover. Winnie and I embark on a snowy walk and follow it with time in the sauna. I shower and get dressed: red socks with black loafers and my favorite wool coat.
I am busy with work and spend time filming, writing, and attending appointments. We get a ton of snow and enjoy a slower, simpler routine. I do Pilates and spend a lot of time cooking and eating. I make a delicious pearl onion tarte from Mimi Thorrison’s French Country Cooking. Time spent across a table with friends is also a theme this month and my friend Leslie makes a French onion soup that renders all eight of us silent. The kids and I make letter-shaped pancakes on cold mornings and enjoy sledding and hot chocolate and all the wintery things. I eat a lot of greens and soups and roast chicken and braised beef with gnocchi. I host a raclette party, my friends make baked Alaska, and we celebrate friendship.
We escape to Duluth with friends to cook, browse antiques, and tour a haunted mansion. It is always a sight to see the great Lake Superior frozen completely. I bring everyone sheet masks for their faces, and the men cut them up to accommodate their winter beards. We play games and laugh. All things that fill my cup.
I am getting dressed every day and feeling inspired by the process. I am starting to feel more at home in my body through continual daily movement. My clothes are starting to fit differently. The Peloton is my friend at the start of each day, and I’m committed to the ritual of drinking water first thing in the morning. I watch movies like Love Story and 9 ½ Weeks. I read Bliss Montage. I am preparing to launch my first newsletter: House Call.
Our yard amid January’s big snowfall
February 2023
January was busier than I had planned. I vow to tip the scales in favor of balance. I have an epic thrifting haul on the first of the month. August and I play chess and ping pong. We enjoy our freshly painted basement. My friend hosts an Outlander-themed dinner party, and my niece Rozemie Kay Arends is born. She is the most beautiful baby I have ever seen. The kids and I make a puppet theatre out of cardboard and paint it with flowers and red and white stripes. I eat so many sumo oranges. Joe and I celebrate ten years since we started dating.
I feel better physically than I have since before the pandemic, but mentally, I am unsettled. I feel this sinking feeling that something terrible is coming. Joe is unhappy at work, and I find myself exhausted at the thought of doing the simplest tasks related to content creation. It isn’t the right time to be burnt out. In September 2022, my New Business Director left W&D to move on to other things, and by February, new business is starting to slow. It is time to find my passion again. We begin contacting past clients, and I realize I am uncomfortable with “selling” myself. I numb the fear with TV and mindless scrolling but don’t feel energized afterward.
COVID finally gets August and me on Valentine’s Day. Joe is traveling, and I’m trying to keep it together until he gets back home. I am in bed for three days and cry uncontrollably for two of them. Eventually, we both get better.
Bundled up to go for a walk (COVID edition)
March 2023
I am reading The Obstacle Is the Way and The Body Keeps the Score. I sit outside and let the sun hit my face. I worry about new work coming in. It is oddly quiet. I take consulting calls and enjoy them immensely. I work out, drink water, and feel strong.
We eat cheesecake and steak with friends and go on our first family spring break vacation. I eat a fancy meal on a frozen lake with new friends. I watch a few of my comfort movies: Lost in Translation and The Royal Tenenbaums. I chalk up my underlying dread to the winter blues and the lack of SSRIs in my system. Time starts moving fast, and the memories are thin. We book cheap flights to France for my fortieth birthday and our tenth wedding anniversary in November.
Dining outside on a frozen lake
April 2023
April kicks off with a foot of snow. Some trees in our yard bend and break due to their weight. While I’ve lost weight since going off my medication in October, my spirit can’t relate. Even as the snow melts, I find myself weighted down with worry about a circumstance many small business owners face time and time again: when taxes, cash flow, and the unexpected collide. I pay my bills and cross my fingers. It’s always worked out before.
The earth thaws. By the end of the month, the snow is finally gone. It is my first winter off antidepressants in six years and the side effects of my withdrawal process have faded. I find it takes effort not to let the grayness outside darken my view of the general state of things.
The good news is I’m busy with new product development opportunities. I design a slew of products for a new buyer at Target with the hopes a few are selected. It feels so good to be designing something again. I remember that feeling. I have also been approached about designing two home remodeling projects. I’m wary, considering I am not an interior designer, but the clients know this, and I cautiously take on consulting roles for each.
Morning light in our kitchen
May 2023
I start working on a new project called Nine Pines. The sun comes out. Then the ax falls. Two big clients who had verbally signed on for sponsored projects with Wit & Delight ghost us, and suddenly my cash flow runway gets very, very short. We had already started to eat into the cash reserve when our New Business Director left, and I know it’s time to make some tough decisions. At this point, I have a team of five, most of whom are working thirty to forty hours a week. I will be out of money by July if I don’t make a hard call soon.
I get in a car accident. Twenty-one mature bushes, trees, and shrubs die in our front yard. My dad and Joe’s dad are both fighting cancer. Joe is incredibly unhappy at work and is now six months into a job search that is weighing on both of us.
I go on runs. I go through all the scenarios. The most pressing issue is cash flow. The numbers are now unavoidable: My business can’t support my team without a dedicated salesperson and we do not have the runway to hire this person. But I crunch the numbers again and again. I deal with the resulting shame and feelings of failure by blocking them entirely and looking rationally at what I need to do.
I have difficult conversations with each person on the team. It is horrible, as these things are. I need to take some time to figure out what to do with Wit & Delight. The weight of it all consumes me, and I feel as if I’m in a dark pit and cannot see the edges. If I have to let my team go, it is clear I have failed not only them but also the brand and community. The snowball of dissatisfaction I had numbed out with avoidance, procrastination, and self-medication is so giant now I have to confront it. It blocks my escape route. There is no other way to go but through. And I deal with it the only way I know how, which is to tear everything down.
Joe finds a new job that fits what he was looking for and puts in his two weeks’ notice. At least we have some good news.
A snap from the bathroom of the Nine Pines project
June 2023
I take care of business. I tell myself to “harden up” and keep life as normal as possible so my kids have stability. Joe starts his new job, which requires quite a bit of travel. I solo parent and find time to run and play tennis to cope with the stress.
We announce that things are changing for the business. I ask our community and friends to help find leads for the team for new jobs. I consider what it would look like to carry on with W&D in a different, pared-back way in the future, but this feels impossible to face in my current mental space. I still have a few lingering brand projects and I do my best to show up when all I want to do is hide. It feels wrong to go on pretending like I haven’t let everyone down. I tell you I am stepping aside for a while without telling you exactly why.
Had I been at my best, I would have taken my time to decide to make changes to the brand; I would have done it when I wasn’t in flight mode. But I was not at my best, and I only write this realization now with the benefit of hindsight. At the time, to say I was “quitting” felt like the only way. So with my impulses and intuition in the driver’s seat, I jump off a proverbial cliff; I believe I will find wings on the way down.
I don’t.
What follows is confusion, questions (are you done or not done?), a mass exodus of followers, angry phone calls, and the intuitive knowing that I am about to face what I’ve been trying to outrun.
This internal storm is juxtaposed with summer activities like swimming and dinner parties. I feel like I’m keeping it together, and then something inside—an emotional dam of some kind—gives way.
Drinks with friends at home
July 2023
We go on vacation with my extended family at the beginning of July and I am not myself. I take every innocent question about my future hard, like a rock hurled at my confidence. I cry every morning. I have little energy to interact with anyone. I have dwindled my business accounts to the lowest they’ve ever been and still have bills and quarterly taxes that require funds. It will take time to repair, but it isn’t impossible by any stretch.
I realize my options for a second career path are not panning out the way I had anticipated. The products I designed in the spring are squashed by executives spooked by Q4 projections and fears of the looming recession. Nothing is lighting me up. I play happy when I need to and we throw August the birthday party he wanted. I summon the energy to swim, watch thunderstorms roll in, and spend time up at the North Shore. It’ll be over soon, I think.
Our family vacation in Hilton Head
August 2023
I am in the woods of my mind. I feel sorry for myself. I feel shame for being so self-absorbed. I am in a closed loop, pushing at the edges, wondering if I’ll slip further into darkness. I question everything.
I read a particularly memorable short story called “The Resident”by Carmen Machado in her beautiful book, Her Body and Other Parties. It’s a story about a writer who earns a scholarship at an artists-in-residence retreat, located where she experienced an unresolved childhood trauma in the forest. As soon as she arrives, she becomes violently ill, and we soon understand the veil between reality and her perception becomes blurred. She falls further into her psyche as she makes sense of her memories through present circumstances. The more she explores her mind, the farther from reality she floats.
In the story, Carmen writes, “What if you colonize your mind and when you get inside you realize it’s all cardboard cutouts and it all collapses beneath the pressure of your finger? What if you get inside and nothing is there?”
She asks, “What is worse, being locked outside of your mind or being locked inside it?”
The chapter ends with this:
“Perhaps you think I’m a cliché—a weak, trembling thing with a silly root of adolescent trauma straight out of a gothic novel.
But I ask you readers: Thus far in your jury deliberations, have you encountered others who have truly met themselves? I have known many people in my lifetime and rarely do I find any who have been taken down to the quick, pruned so their branches might grow back healthier than before.
I can tell you with perfect honesty that the night in the forest was a gift. Many people live and die without ever confronting themselves in the darkness. Pray that one day, you will spin around at the water’s edge, lean over, and be able to count yourself among the lucky.”
Behind the styled photos, a snap of everyday life
September 2023
I fly to Montana with a friend to look at her property and reconfigure the layout for an upcoming renovation. On the way home, we talk about the state of the interior design and construction industry. I share some thoughts on what I’ve observed during my limited time dipping my toe into client work. I light up with inspiration and a role that doesn’t exist today in the field flashes in front of me with clarity. I come home ready to dig into the possibilities and explore a path forward.
People tell me I look healthy and happy. I feel strong physically and my eyes are clearer than they have been in years. Yet I cannot move from under the thumb of my inner critic. I write more freely than I have in ages and feel nothing. Logically, I have moved on with my life, but the inner voice continues to drum on and on. The soundtrack of my daily life is a repeating line: Why bother? I worry I’ve gone mad.
I Google intrusive thoughts. I begin to question the thoughts themselves and dismiss them as I would an internet troll. But I still worry. I feed my inner troll by obsessing over my obsessions. I think, How much longer?How much longer will we hold on to this loop? I fear the worst is coming but wonder if I just fear moving forward. I put one foot in front of the other anyway.
Then, while on a walk in late September, it hits me: I am afraid of what I’ll become if I stop beating myself up. What happens if I just… let go? Let go and live?
Then, while on a walk in late September, it hits me: I am afraid of what I’ll become if I stop beating myself up. What happens if I just… let go? Let go and live?
October 2023
I am tipping my toes into the practice of letting go. Some things come easily. Some things, not so much. I move away from relationships that thrive on comparison. I invite relationships that cultivate possibility and collaboration.
Joe’s been traveling for work for six weeks straight and isn’t himself. We go up North for a quick weekend with friends and reconnect. I try to cancel our trip to France. I feel guilty about spending money when we need to save but I know Joe and I both need to find space to breathe and reconnect. We decide to make the trip work by dipping into savings and taking on consulting work.
The second we leave Minnesota, I am lighter.
In France, we soak in a change of scenery and sleep and talk. We drive, hike, listen to French electro-pop, and eat until we cannot eat anymore. We talk about money—what we’ve each learned about ourselves through the unexpected twists and turns of 2023. How we both avoid discomfort and seek pleasure and how we can be a united front when hard times come. We speak candidly about what we want for the future and where we both are afraid and hopeful.
We find underneath the problems of our day-to-day life is the foundation of a family that can handle a lot. With Joe and I both feeling like fragments of a whole person, somehow, our marriage sustains us through a long period of disconnection. If they say repair after a fight is akin to putting money in the bank, we’re relying a lot on the past decade of doing the hard thing and working out our differences.
Over dinner on the last day of the month, I am in a funk. I barely speak. Joe asks what’s wrong, and I lament about getting older, how it isn’t fair, how I barely recognize the person I’ve become. Joe looks at me in a way I cannot recognize, then says, “This isn’t you, Kate. You sound like you are struggling, but you don’t sound like… you.” I want to punch him in the face. Here, I’m saying out loud these embarrassing things I’ve kept to myself for months, and that’s all he has to say? We finish the meal in silence.
Later that night I feel a slight shift in my heart. I can’t describe it logically—it doesn’t make much rational sense at all. But there is a click of a switch that brings up the awareness that yes, I haven’t been myself. I have been waiting for someone to swoop in and show me what to do, how to get myself out of this loop of misery, how to remove myself from these circumstances and this identity crisis. As it turns out, that someone is me.
Hiking together in the French Alps
November 2023
It is November 1 and I am forty years old. It’s funny how they say big moments like this are underwhelming. You’re somehow supposed to feel different, transformed in some way or another. I don’t feel different, but I do feel lighter. I don’t wake up ready to fight. I wake up ready to live, but not in some grand, go out and seize the day way. I wake up with the space to take a deep breath in my chest, to be present with Joe, to genuinely delight in the simple pleasure of a long hike.
When we arrive home from our trip, I worry I’ll lose this feeling. I sit down at my desk to work, imagining all my insecurities had been left in pieces in the French Alps, only to find the old drone of rumination appearing once more. This time, I stop it before it gains momentum. I open a new page in the Notion app, title it “A 40th Birthday Contract To Myself,” and begin to write.
Three pages later, I print it out and leave it on Joe’s desk to review, a pen resting atop for his signature. Throughout the next month, I reference it multiple times a day when I feel like throwing in the towel and doomscrolling. I start making teeny tiny, barely noticeable steps toward a different way of being.
I feel more energized and excited to spend time with friends. We host Friendsgiving with our neighborhood friend group and my close girlfriends throw me a little dinner party to celebrate a belated birthday. It takes me a week to open the cards they wrote. When I finally do, I remember that while we go through seasons in which loving ourselves feels impossible, we must still be open to receiving love from others.
Our home, decorated for the holidays
December 2023
I vow to do less this season. To buy less and to be considerate with my time, my energy, and who I invite into my space. This commitment doesn’t come without its challenges but it pays off. I spend time with the people who fill my cup. I cherish my time with family. I bake with my mom and talk with my dad and feel so thankful for the small moments of nothing we just have… together.
The small, simple things once overshadowed by the monster in my mind are clearly in front of me. I wonder, Is this what I was looking for all along? The ability to feel all of my emotions, to feel true gratitude for what is right in front of me? Was all of this inner turmoil brewing because I was afraid to feel the overwhelming joy and love in my life? Was it all because I feared the loss that comes with loving?
This thread I started to tug at one year ago—the intuitive feeling that something was missing, something I didn’t get, some reason to slow down—was leading me here.
Letting go of Wit & Delight in its previous form, letting go of my dreams of being “someone” I couldn’t even define, made me realize what I really needed. I needed to come home to myself. This realization has changed my life. It has shown me how often we look at people and things and experiences in black and white because we cannot handle the fact that almost everything contains multitudes; that life unravels in varying shades of gray.
Hosting a holiday dinner party
As for what’s coming up for me in 2024? I’ll be sharing my plans and goals for this year later this month. Stay tuned. And thank you, as always, for being along with me on this winding ride.
Editor’s Note: This article contains affiliate links. Wit & Delight uses affiliate links as a source of revenue to fund the operations of the business and to be less dependent on branded content. Wit & Delight stands behind all product recommendations. Still have questions about these links or our process? Feel free to email us.
Kate is the founder of Wit & Delight. She is currently learning how to play tennis and is forever testing the boundaries of her creative muscle. Follow her on Instagram at @witanddelight_.
This year has already proven to be one where I continue to face challenges both personally and professionally. Financial challenges, challenges of identity, and the dynamic of my marriage are all up in the air right now. And you guys, I am HERE for it.
What happened in 2023 has forever changed my relationship with fear. When the worst-case scenario happens and you survive, the only bright side is you know you can, at the very least, make it through each day. And that’s not nothing.
Today I’m sharing some reflections on the past year, my goals for 2024, and what you can expect from me going forward.
Reflecting on the Lessons of Last Year
Reflecting on all that unfolded in my life last year, I can’t point to one thing or moment that helped me move through the depths of my own mind. I do know that I did not give up even when my inner critic told me I was pathetic and should leave the internet forever. I kept going and putting myself out there, even if it meant I was a puddle.
I know now that when fear is in the driver’s seat, we become another version of ourselves entirely. It takes time to break that cycle, but now I live comfortably with fear sitting right next to me, grinning wickedly as I put one foot in front of the other despite its menacing presence. I’ve even begun to find humor where my fears show up, and I think that’s progress.
Because while all of what happened in 2023 was hard, I wish I’d seen sooner how trying to change that fact only prolonged my inner agony. Only when I started to see the pain as part of the human experience, when I acknowledged it’s something I would experience many times over in my lifetime, did I start to find myself again. This lesson was brought on not by avoiding my reality but by facing it.
Releasing Shame and Changing My Perspective
While not much has changed about what I do in my day-to-day life, my perspective has shifted entirely. I am truly kind to myself. I also hold myself accountable. I understand how all-consuming a life driven by shame can be. I also realize that if shame was used as a parenting tool when you were growing up, letting go of that shame will be terrifying in adulthood because it is all you know.
That kind of deeply rooted shame is how you’ve measured your successes and failures. It’s how you’ve decided whether or not to approach a potential partner. It’s informed what you can hope and dream of, all within a certain set of limitations that were never set by you in the first place, but passed on from generation to generation. This shame is ancient, and it does not belong to you. It probably didn’t belong to your parents or their parents. It is pain that needs a host to sustain itself.
Living without the security blanket of shame means accepting the fear of vulnerability. I am holding my fear by its hand and letting it live alongside me. And that has changed everything.
So when we begin to breathe oxygen that isn’t tainted with shame, it feels like taking a big gulp of cold air after a lifetime of fighting for shallow breath. It is exhilarating. It reminds me of the first time I put on glasses and realized I could see the leaves on trees. I marvel at the sensation and feel what it is like to have hope and freedom.
I feel this freedom in the smallest of places, like when I am excited to read what I’ve written. Or when I open thank you cards and read words of encouragement—without thinking they are conditional. Or when I come to the table with an open heart, willing to be myself, because I can face rejection. When I know I can face the fact that all beginnings have endings.
Living without the security blanket of shame means accepting the fear of vulnerability. I am holding my fear by its hand and letting it live alongside me. And that has changed everything.
My Intentions and Goals for 2024
Looking out at the possibility of what 2024 holds, I realize the only control we have in this life is the choice to experience it fully, hand in hand with fear and also with the vulnerability of love and acceptance. With this in mind, these are my intentions and goals for 2024:
Fight shame with vulnerability.
Be like a turtle: slow, steady, and consistent.
Do community-centered work.
Hold myself accountable for doing what I say I’ll do.
Feel emotions without giving them so much meaning.
Spend on what matters to me.
Protect time with my family.
Invest in education.
What You Can Expect From Me Going Foward
In many ways I’m “officially back” in this role of full-time content creation, something I’d stepped away from halfway through last year. But in other ways, it’s an entirely different kind of role. I have a renewed sense of commitment to what I do. I see it as a vehicle for which I create, not through which I am measuring the impact of my work. I’m feeling the spark to create again, through a different lens than I had before. Why not follow that thread and see what happens?
I used to cling to a sense of certainty about what my work meant to people and why I was doing it. I now know there’s power in becoming comfortable with uncertainty. I used to shy away from difficulty or friction in favor of ease. I now know there are times when friction enables us to build confidence and do difficult things. The goal shouldn’t be to hide from it but to accept it as a necessary part of the journey. It feels so freeing to not have a perfect answer or strategy and to accept that as okay.
As for what you can expect from me going forward, my promise is this: I’m going to keep showing up. I will keep writing and fueling the flame of the platforms I’ve built: Wit & Delight and House Call. I’m going to keep creating content and exploring my curiosities. I hope you’ll stick around for it all.
Kate is the founder of Wit & Delight. She is currently learning how to play tennis and is forever testing the boundaries of her creative muscle. Follow her on Instagram at @witanddelight_.
Five years ago this month, an American-backed Kurdish and Arab militia ousted Islamic State fighters from a village in eastern Syria, the group’s last sliver of territory.
Since then, the organization that once staked out a self-proclaimed caliphate across Iraq and Syria has metastasized into a more traditional terrorist group — a clandestine network of cells from West Africa to Southeast Asia engaged in guerrilla attacks, bombings and targeted assassinations.
None of the group’s affiliates have been as relentless as the Islamic State in Khorasan, which is active in Afghanistan, Pakistan and Iran and has set its sights on attacking Europe and beyond. U.S. officials say the group carried out the attack near Moscow on Friday, killing scores of people and wounding many others.
In January, Islamic State Khorasan, or ISIS-K, carried out twin bombings in Iran that killed scores and wounded hundreds of others at a memorial service for Iran’s former top general, Qassim Suleimani, who was targeted in a U.S. drone strike four years earlier.
“The threat from ISIS,” Avril D. Haines, the director of national intelligence, told a Senate panel this month, “remains a significant counterterrorism concern.” Most attacks “globally taken on by ISIS have actually occurred by parts of ISIS that are outside of Afghanistan,” she said.
Gen. Michael E. Kurilla, the head of the military’s Central Command, told a House committee on Thursday that ISIS-K “retains the capability and the will to attack U.S. and Western interests abroad in as little as six months with little to no warning.”
American counterterrorism specialists on Sunday dismissed the Kremlin’s suggestion that Ukraine was behind Friday’s attack near Moscow. “The modus operandi was classic ISIS,” said Bruce Hoffman, a terrorism scholar at the Council on Foreign Relations.
The assault was the third concert venue in the Northern Hemisphere that ISIS has struck in the past decade, Mr. Hoffman said, following an attack on the Bataclan theater in Paris in November 2015 (as part of a broader operation that struck other targets in the city) and a suicide bombing at an Ariana Grande concert in Manchester Arena, England, in May 2017.
Islamic State Khorasan, founded in 2015 by disaffected members of the Pakistani Taliban, burst onto the international jihadist scene after the Taliban toppled the Afghan government in 2021. During the U.S. military withdrawal from the country, ISIS-K carried out a suicide bombing at the international airport in Kabul in August 2021 that killed 13 U.S. service members and as many as 170 civilians.
Since then, the Taliban have been fighting ISIS-K in Afghanistan. So far, the Taliban’s security services have prevented the group from seizing territory or recruiting large numbers of former Taliban fighters, according to U.S. counterterrorism officials.
But the upward arc and scope of ISIS-K’s attacks have increased in recent years, with cross-border strikes into Pakistan and a growing number of plots in Europe. Most of those European plots were thwarted, prompting Western intelligence assessments that the group might have reached the lethal limits of its capabilities.
Last July, Germany and the Netherlands coordinated arrests targeting seven Tajik, Turkmen and Kyrgyz individuals linked to a ISIS-K network who were suspected of plotting attacks in Germany.
Three men were arrested in the German state of North Rhine-Westphalia over alleged plans to attack the Cologne Cathedral on New Year’s Eve 2023. The raids were linked to three other arrests in Austria and one in Germany on Dec. 24. The four people were reportedly acting in support of ISIS-K.
American and other Western counterterrorism officials say these plots were organized by low-level operatives who were detected and thwarted relatively quickly.
“Thus far, ISIS-Khorasan has relied primarily on inexperienced operatives in Europe to try to advance attacks in its name,” Christine S. Abizaid, the head of the National Counterterrorism Center, told a House committee in November.
But there are worrisome signs that ISIS-K is learning from its mistakes. In January, masked assailants attacked a Roman Catholic church in Istanbul, killing one person. Shortly afterward, the Islamic State, through its official Amaq News Agency, claimed responsibility. Turkish law enforcement forces detained 47 people, most of them Central Asian nationals.
Since then, Turkish security forces have launched mass counteroperations against ISIS suspects in Turkey, Syria and Iraq. Several European investigations shed light on the global and interconnected nature of ISIS finances, according to a United National report in January, which identified Turkey as a logistical hub for ISIS-K operations in Europe.
The Moscow and Iran attacks demonstrated more sophistication, counterterrorism officials said, suggesting a greater level of planning and an ability to tap into local extremist networks.
“ISIS-K has been fixated on Russia for the past two years,” frequently criticizing President Vladimir V. Putin in its propaganda, said Colin P. Clarke, a counterterrorism analyst at the Soufan Group, a security consulting firm based in New York. “ISIS-K accuses the Kremlin of having Muslim blood in its hands, referencing Moscow’s interventions in Afghanistan, Chechnya and Syria.”
A significant portion of ISIS-K’s members are of Central Asian origin, and there is a large contingent of Central Asians living and working in Russia. Some of these individuals may have become radicalized and been in position to serve in a logistical function, stockpiling weapons, Mr. Clarke said.
Daniel Byman, a counterterrorism specialist at Georgetown University, said that “ISIS-K has gathered fighters from Central Asia and the Caucasus under its wing, and they may be responsible for the Moscow attack, either directly or via their own networks.”
Russian and Iranian authorities apparently did not take seriously enough public and more detailed private American warnings of imminent ISIS-K attack plotting, or were distracted by other security challenges.
“In early March, the U.S. government shared information with Russia about a planned terrorist attack in Moscow,” Adrienne Watson, a spokeswoman for the National Security Council, said on Saturday. “We also issued a public advisory to Americans in Russia on March 7. ISIS bears sole responsibility for this attack. There was no Ukrainian involvement whatsoever.”
Russian authorities on Saturday announced the arrest of several suspects in Friday’s attack. But senior American officials said on Sunday that they were still digging into the background of the assailants and trying to determine whether they were deployed from South or Central Asia for this specific attack or if they were already in the country as part of the network of supporters that ISIS-K then engaged and encouraged.
Counterterrorism specialists voiced concern on Sunday that the attacks in Moscow and Iran might embolden ISIS-K to redouble its efforts to strike in Europe, particularly in France, Belgium, Britain and other countries that have been hit on and off for the past decade.
The U.N. report, using a different name for Islamic State Khorasan, said “some individuals of North Caucasus and Central Asian origin traveling from Afghanistan or Ukraine toward Europe represent an opportunity for ISIL-K, which seeks to project violent attacks in the West.” The report concluded that there was evidence of “current and unfinished operational plots on European soil conducted by ISIL-K.”
A senior Western intelligence official identified three main drivers that could inspire ISIS-K operatives to attack: the existence of dormant cells in Europe, images of the war in Gaza and support from Russian-speaking people living in Europe.
One major event this summer has many counterterrorism officials on edge.
“I worry about the Paris Olympics,” said Edmund Fitton-Brown, a former top U.N. counterterrorism official who is now a senior adviser to the Counter Extremism Project. “They would be a premium terrorist target.”
